An aunt was left horrified after her nephew’s first birthday cake didn’t quite hit the brief.
The proud Auntie wanted a Number One cake with blue icing and little heart-shaped balloons on it. She requested the cake say Happy Birthday Zayeem.
She even sent an image of how she wanted her nephew’s cake to look.
And then she got this.
And we’re dead.
Not only did the baker manage to spell the poor kid’s name wrong – it was Zayeem, not Yazeem, but he also managed to royally screw up those white heart-shaped balloons.
Sorry sir, but those are not heart-shaped balloons. Those are clearly little sperm swimming all over a child’s first birthday cake. The shape, the colour, there’s even a few leftover swimmers that didn’t quite make it onto the cake.
Terrible. Just terrible.
The shape of the cake is okay but they managed to completely screw up the colours and the writing is also just plain wrong too. Look closely and it appears Birthday is spelt wrong too. But maybe it’s just hard to see because they opted for frosting that looks like poop.
Birthday cake fail wins the internetÂ
Zayeem’s aunt shared the photo on Twitter and the comments immediately started to roll in.
“The jizz coloured icing and the sperm omfg,” one wrote.
“HOW DIFFICULT IS IT TO MAKE A HEART OMG,” another said.
“Well, it’s definitely Birthday themed? Maybe a little too much focus on the reproductive bit,” joked another.
All in all, an epic win in how NOT to replicate a cake and perhaps the best worst birthday cake fail we’ve come across. Hopefully, Zayeem’s sperm cake at least tastes good.
Bluey cake fail
Earlier this year we shared another hilarious cake fail involving the popular mud cake hack and everyone’s favourite Blue Heeler, Bluey.
This is what the cake was meant to look like, made by famed cake artist, Tigga Maccormack.
And here is Lucy’s!
The melting blue icing, the angry eyebrows, the random skewers poking out the top, the unsettling wafer mouth. It’s just all so perfectly wrong. If anything, it could possibly pass for that whinging monster Brobee on Yo Gabba Gabba (remember him??) or Cookie Monster, but even that’s pushing it.
Another lovable character who is easy to screw up in baking form is Peppa whose face already looks like a peen at the best of times. Add a bit of self-raising flour and red food colouring and you’ve got yourself a recipe for a cake fail. So much wrong.
Of course, it is possible to make a perfectly normal birthday cake that doesn’t look like a penis, a weird monster or contain sperm (check out our vasectomy cakes though if this is your thing). Below are a few of our favourite birthday cakes over the years
Beautiful number and letter cakesÂ
This is how you put together a number cake. Notice zero heart-shaped sperm floating around. See the full collection here.
Rainbow mud cake
You’ll need a mud cake, M&Ms, whipped cream, white icing, marshmallows and sprinkles. Here’s how to make it.Â
Incredible cartoon cakes
What cake sorcery is this? Cartoon cakes are the latest rage and look so cool! They look  2D and as though they’ve jumped straight from a cartoon clip thanks to the clever use of thin black fondant strips which outlines parts of the cake. See how to make one here.Â
Bluey Cakes!
While the Bluey cake featured above didn’t go exactly to plan, there’s no shortage of other Bluey cakes to try. Check out our collection of epic Bluey cakes, submitted by Mum Central readers.
