A miscarriage, whenever it happens, for whatever reason, is heart shattering.

Whether it’s your first or your fifth, at the very beginning of pregnancy or later down the track, is irrelevant.

For Alex Kramer, it’s a pain she’s experienced 35 times over. Yes, you read that correctly. The English TV presenter has suffered 35 miscarriages in her journey to become a mother.

A cycle of heartbreak

Alex experienced her first miscarriage when trying to conceive, seven years ago, with partner Scott. The couple started trying for a baby four years after meeting, but suffered a loss early on. ” “I was heartbroken,” Alexis tells The Sun newspaper. “You think, ‘OK let’s try again’ – but obviously I had no idea what lay ahead.”

It was a rapid introduction to a world that too many women are familiar with; the world of unexplained pregnancy loss and the agony that comes with it.

The popular British TV presenter suffered another nine losses before giving birth to daughter Isobella in January 2013 then lost another five babies before the arrival of her son, Josh, in 2014. Since deciding to try for a third child, Alexis has suffered a further 20 losses, including twins last April. “We discovered we were having twins at our six-week scan,” Alex remembers. “It had been a while since I’d let myself get excited but I couldn’t help myself.”

“But when we went to the eight week scan there was no heartbeat and my babies had died. I took it really hard. I was a complete mess.”

While Alex feels blessed to have both Isobella and Josh, the desire for a third child has meant continuing down a path tinged with uncertainty, loss and pain.

“I am blessed to have two beautiful children and I know there will be a lot of people out there thinking, ‘Why is she doing this?’ says Alex. “But there’ll be those who will understand my longing for another child.

Recurrent miscarriage: An unexplained phenomenon

While one in six Australian women experience miscarriage, ‘recurrent miscarriage’, where a woman experiences three or more consecutive early pregnancy losses is less common.  Two in every 100 women are thought to experience it, and frustratingly, there aren’t always answers as to WHY it keeps happening. It’s estimated that there is no medical explanation for around 50% of losses leaving families confused, bewildered and terrified of history repeating itself. For Alex, this was her reality.  “I’ve had every test and investigation going,” she says. “Nothing ever showed up.”

And having carried two children to full term, I keep thinking, ‘What if this month is the month that I get my third baby?’

Alex Kramer two children
Alex has a son, Josh and daughter, Isobella

The end of the line

After seven years, 35 miscarriages, fertility treatments and endless tests to try and determine why the horrible cycle keeps happening, Alex is giving it one last go before calling it a day. “I’ve got one more shot at this left in me,” she says. “And if it doesn’t happen then I’m done.”

On experiencing the agony of unexplained loss after unexplained loss, Alex shares how she’s often struggled with how to process her emotions. “Over the last seven years there have been times when I’ve felt like a freak,” she says.

“You try not to cry because you don’t want to add any stress or anxiety to your body, and also because life keeps going. I’m so lucky to have kids, but you do cry.”

Her advice to women experiencing pregnancy loss? “It’s OK to own your grief, to be sad and to ask for support from those closest to you,” she says. “You don’t have to keep what you’re going through a secret, or brush it under the carpet like it doesn’t matter. It’s your reality and your pain.”

If you, or someone you know, is experiencing or has experienced a miscarriage, SANDS in Australia can help.

Thinking about trying for another baby after experiencing a loss? Check out our guide to overcoming the fear when trying again.

Author

Naomi is 3/4 latte drinking, peanut butter obsessed former magazine girl who now does stuff with words for a living while juggling 2.5 kids, 2 cats, 1 rabbit, husband and an unhealthy obsession with slow cooking.

8 Comments

  1. What the fuck is wrong with people? If you want a kid so much, adopt. At least you will have a good deed done. Miscarriages are nature’s way to tell you than your genes are faulty and lousy and you shouldn’t breed. Why do people insist so much? It’s so egoistic and selfish. Earth is so heavily overpopulated, people should learn to adopt. Geez. That’s disgusting.

  2. Lloyd Copper Reply

    I couldn’t put it better than you did Alex. Like it’s not meant to be. Adopt and move on.

  3. Alex and Lloyd clearly you are men and have never suffered loss of a baby before. As a woman who can relate to this story and the desire to be a mum I am absolutely disgusted in your comments. When a woman suffers a miscarriage she feels shame and that she is inadequate. I know there are times when I have felt not a proper woman because I can’t hold another child.

    The pain of losing babies is so awful you could never wish it on anybody. The emotional pain chips away at your heart and as my husband can support the physical pain is unbearable. But the chance of holding your own baby means so much.

    Your comments that it’s because of faulty lousy genes is rubbish. I have the most beautiful handsome talented and intelligent son who has no medical issues whatsoever.

    Adoption is very difficult to do and there is no guarantee. I know people who have suffered much disappointment trying to be a parent that way too.

    I pray Alex Kramer is able to have her third miracle baby

  4. Why not just adopt one of many children who are already here and need a home? Selfish DNA obsessed apes

  5. You’re a typical mombie whose brains turned into pulp because of hormones. A typical, disgusting breeder. Gross. Grieving over a fetus, a thoughtless pulp of cells is meaningless and totally moronic. There are real problems in life. It’s not like it’s a loss of a human being. If you feel you’re not a proper woman just because you can breed, you’re just confirming my words – your brains grew smaller because of hormones. You’re nothing but an incubator with legs. I’m so happy I was born without maternal instinct, at least I’m logical. It grosses me out, thinking there are women like you, ambitionless, boring, dull. Good to be antinatalist. By the way, miscarriage makes your body get rid of a fetus not a baby. It’s not a babg yet. Go back to school.
    “I have the most beautiful handsome talented and intelligent son” Rubbish every parent say. There’s nothing special about your kid. It’s the same as all other kids around the world. Nothing extraordinary. Wake up.

    Besides, it’s better to adopt than have miscarriages. At least you’re doing something good. Breeding is egoistic and selfish. If you truly loved kids you’d adopt. They need parents too, there’s not a single reason to produce more parasites.

    I hope people start being sterile. We don’t need more new humans.

    You’re repulsive.

    Ps. I’m a woman and I’d tear my uterus out if I had an accident.

  6. If you have spare resources, help the homeless, protect the environment, invent something. Destroy capitalism. But you just decide that those things are not worth your time and it’s better to pump out another baby. You created an entertainment for yourself. Now there’s not only a hostile city, your job and useless consumerism. Your life has purpose now! Someone is totally dependable on you! Wow, what a power trip. You have authority over someone!

    • The right word is dependent. You get the point. Kids rely on you and trust you. Even if you lie, they are likely to believe. Parents don’t deserve them.

  7. “Adoption is very difficult to do and there is no guarantee. I know people who have suffered much disappointment trying to be a parent that way too.”

    Read what you wrote there. You’ve demonstrated the most cancerous selfish attitude there. It doesn’t matter how much disappointment they suffered. It’s not about them. We already have 7.7 billion people. Completely unsustainable numbers. You brainless selfish idiots keep adding more and more, causing unspeakable suffering to the world with your wombturds. They will suffer as well. All of them. You alone, the breeders, are at fault. You should be ashamed of that, but I trust your bloated ego is causing pressure on your underdeveloped intellect.

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