Want a name that screams toxic masculinity? A name that ensures your son will be boss? The manliest baby name in the history of manly baby names? We’ve found it!
Posted in a popular Facebook naming group, a dad has announced his son’s very manly name and people are baffled.
The original poster wrote,
My oldest son is named Alpha Mael (spelled Mael, means prince or chief) Armstrong. And my mum absolutely hates it. Not silly at all though. Different but not silly. Conveys a lot.”
Alpha, which means “beginning” and is synonymous with dominance. Mael does mean “prince” and is a popular name in Ireland. But combined, Alpha Mael is, well, a bit much.
Better not name his sibling Beta
As expected, the Facebook naming group members were having NONE of it, roasting the poster and his “terrible” choice of name for his son. This particular FB group is all about naming ‘tragedeighs’ but Alpha Mael really got the crowd going.
“No, honestly that is the worst name you could possibly name your child,” one commenter wrote.
“There will never be a name worse than this,” another added.
“Next in line will be Bigg Richard,” another joked.
We’ve shared a few names that mean strong such as Ethan, Liam and Alexander. We’ve also shared our picks for “badass” names that are also quite masculine with plenty of attitude including Maverick, Diesel, Axel, Kane and Blade.
But none are quite in the same league as Alpha Mael. Take a bow, Mum and Dad. You officially win the toxic masculinity award of 2023.
More baby name blunders
We’ve shared a few questionable baby names in the past. While every parent has the right to name their kid whatever they wish, it is important to remember that this name will stick with them for life. From toddlerhood to teendom, from their uni application to job interviews. For. Ever.
Below are a few families who have potentially forgotten this:
If Alpha Mael wins for the manliest baby name in the universe, then Malibu Barbie is certainly his match. This is the name YouTuber Trisha Paytas chose for her daughter, born in 2022. Trisha paired her daughter’s Barbie name with a Malibu Barbie-themed nursery that is about as extra as it gets. It’s more than Kenough! Check it out here.
Nick Cannon’s Tribe of Kids’ Names
At this stage, Nick Cannon has 12 kids. Most of their names are ridic. Here they are:
- Moroccan and Monroe (Roc and Roe)
- Golden Sagon, Powerful Queen and Rise Messiah
- Zion Mixolydian and Zillion Heir and Halo Marie
- Zen S. (Zen died of brain cancer at 5 months) and Beautiful Zeppelin
- Legendary Love
- Onyx Ice Cole
Glhynnyl Hylhyr Yzzyghyl
This hot mess of letters is indeed a name. One time, in the Philippines, a family decided to let their grand-uncle name their unborn baby. He selected a bunch of random letters, none of which are vowels – Glhynnyl Hylhyr Yzzyghyl.
Pronounced: GLIN-IL HAY-LER IZ-I-HIL
Okay, now, for the cherry on top? Baby Glinnel Hayler Izzywallooo already has a nickname, thanks to Granduncle. Ready for it?
Consonant. Cause his name does have about 8 billion of them.
Heavy metal siblings
We’d also like to bring your attention to that time when a mum in New Zealand really liked heavy metal so named her three kids Pantera, Metallica and Slayer. Not making this up and pretty gutted that Korn didn’t make it.
What to read next
- Banned at Birth: The Baby Names That Don’t Make the Cut
- Sorry, Your Baby’s Name is What? 38 Strange Baby Names
- The Made-Up Baby Names You Have to Hear to Believe
- The Very Best in Bogan Baby Names
- When Baby Names Go Bad: The Top Most Unusual Baby Names
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