Oh Goody, Sperm Face Masks Are a Thing Now

The secret to a youthful, wrinkle-free face? Turn to your men, ladies!

Their semen, we mean.

Yes, as weird as this sounds, sperm is literally the creme de la creme when it comes to face care. We’ll just let that thought sink in for a moment…

Experts agree that sperm is the new super-food for your face

There are some crazy beauty trends out there. Like that time when everyone was wearing penis-shaped jewellery and painting their fingernails with vaginas...

Well, now sperm is getting #alltheglory as the must-try trend for smoother, younger-looking skin. After all, it’s free, readily available and all natural.

Take that Vitamin E

According to celebrity facialist, Chelsee Lewis, many celebs are now taking to rubbing sperm on their face. Whose sperm, we don’t know. But, hey, if the stars are doing it…

Chelsee explains that semen is actually loaded with heaps of goodness known as spermine. Apparently, sperm offers a whole bunch of complexion-perfecting benefits.

It enhances oxygen supply and aids blood circulation in the facial tissue
Reduces wrinkles, smooths the skin and lessens acne and spots
Brings about a ‘healthier’ skin appearance
Can slow down the effects of ageing on your skin

DIY sperm face mask

Ready to give it a go? Here’s how you can make your very own sperm face mask:

Collect the sperm (We’ll let you use your imagination on how to do this)
Rub the semen onto your freshly-cleaned face (No, we’re not joking! Although we sort of wish we were.)
Leave it on for 20 minutes, so that it’s completely absorbed by the skin
Wash it off by dabbing your face with cold water and wiping it with tissue

So there you go. Now your hubby can blow. And you can glow…. #facepalm.

More DIY face masks that don’t involve your husband’s spunk

Of course, sperm isn’t the only option you have in your quest for youthful skin. If you can’t quite stomach the thought of semen on your face (Don’t worry, I doubt you’re alone!), then try:

Banana and natural honey mashed into a paste and smeared on your face
1 tablespoon apple cider vinegar with 2 cups water, left to dry on your face
Water and oatmeal, combined with yoghurt, honey, and a small egg white

Chelsee has a few other sperm-free methods to make yourself look more beautiful. And no need to lather your face in pantry ingredients either!

Put a teaspoon of coconut oil in your mouth in the morning. Swirl it around for 15-20 minutes to tighten facial muscles, give you pearly white teeth and clear out the impurities in the skin.
In the morning, wash your face with super cold water by combining ice and water and splashing it around your face 15-20 times. Instant botox!