We’re all guilty of it – apologising to our friends, our families, our partners, even ourselves, about how we’ve become slightly different after having kids.
Well, mums, it’s time to stop with the stupid mum guilt and stop saying sorry, especially for the things that you really don’t need to apologise for.
Here’s a few things that are officially off the apology-list from now on.
1. Having a messy house
Ask any mum – if she had the choice between making precious memories with her kids or cleaning the ceiling fans, which would she choose?
The next time someone comments on the excess of dust, dirt or dishes on your bench, simply tell them,”Dust doesn’t grow up. My kids do.”
Or “Go f*ck yourself.” That works too.
2. Not wanting to go out after 8pm
Sure, at one time 8pm was prime drinks/dinner/catch-up time. Now 8pm is prime books/songs/tickles/fall-asleep-in-your-toddler’s bed time.
Especially on weekdays. Oh, and most weekends.
3. Taking a time out
We all need a break every once in a while. Whether you choose to go out with your friends, go to a hotel room alone for the night or simply hide in the toilet and consume leftover Halloween candy, you’re allowed to do so without any judgement.
4. Buying pre-made baked goods
Some mums are awesome at making birthday cakes, special treats and bake sale goods. Some mums aren’t. And these mums are smart enough to know their baked goods taste like crushed dirt and pay someone else to bake for them.
Or go to Woolies five minutes before the school bake sale to grab a pack of lamingtons.
5. Not wanting sex
After a full day of a little human touching us all day, it’s perfectly acceptable that we also don’t want to be touched when we finally get a break.
After all, sex is what turned us into the hot messes we’ve become.
6. Getting takeaway
Three meals a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. You know how many meals mums are expected to plan, prep, make and clean up after every year?
7,665 meals. Plus snacks.
Yeah, nah. That’s not gonna happen. Which is why relying on takeaway every once in a while is a perfectly bona fide parenting move.
7. Feeding your kids in general
In addition to takeaway, it’s time to stop being ashamed or feeling like you need to justify any of your feeding decisions. Honestly, you don’t.
You’re the mum. You get to choose what’s best. Breast or bottle. Puree or mashed. Store bought or home-cooked. This is your decision. And you don’t have to apologise for doing what works for your family.
8. Putting your kids first
No, I can’t come out for drinks on a Tuesday. Why? Because I’d rather stay home in my pyjamas, watch Pixar movies and eat popcorn with my children while they still like me and before they turn into bratty hormonal teenagers.
9. Drinking wine at 4pm
Some days we win at parenting. Some days, we lose and wine wins. Well, wine doesn’t win exactly, but it does help us come to terms with our shitty day and get through the rest of the night without turning into fire-breathing dragons.
10. Forgetting stuff
Baby brain lasts for TWO YEARS, people! This means that for two years AFTER your last baby, you can blame your brain, not yourself.
11. Yelling and tantruming in public
Whether it’s you yelling or the kids tantruming, or you tantruming and the kids yelling, you don’t need to say sorry to everyone who glares at you or shakes their head in your direction.
All kids tantrum. And all mums yell. Sometimes in public.
12. Crying on the first day of school
And on the first day of daycare. And kindergarten graduation. Possibly also at school assemblies when your son gets an award. Oh, and sports day when your daughter wins a ribbon. It’s your baby, and you can cry if you want to.
Don’t apologise because you get a bit emotional any time your child does anything of significance. You’re allowed to be proud, even if it was only a participation ribbon. A ribbon is a ribbon, dammit. And a valid reason for the waterworks to flow.
13. Showcasing your pride across all social media channels
So what if your uni friends don’t care about your son’s ability to wee wee in the big boy potty. Post it anyway.
And add #blessed at the end. Because you can.
14. Feeling tired… ALL THE TIME
It’s called Having Kids. It’s a real condition. And it lasts pretty much forever. Because, although you will eventually escape the newborn haze, that half-asleep/half-awake phase never seems to end.
No matter how old they are, you will always subconsciously sleep like shit, waiting for someone to yell out, ‘Mum, I’m scared’ or to crawl into bed beside you.
When they get older, you will constantly find yourself lying awake at night, waiting for that midnight text to let you know they are okay or for the front door to open as they creep in past curfew.
So you get to be tired. You are also allowed to be a hot mess, who occasionally opens a bottle of wine at 4pm, cries at assembly, forgets the ONE thing she went to the shops to get and tantrums in public.
No ‘sorry’ necessary.
As a loving and caring mother, it is your right.
Looking for more pearls of parenting wisdom. Check out our modern parenting slang guide for all hot mess mums.